Making it through the holidays -- How or Why Bother?

I am definitely not an expert on this topic as the holidays have always been difficult for me emotionally. I prepared for Thanksgiving by cooking a little each day and trying to pace myself. The actual day went well for me emotionally, and the physical aspect of falling asleep or having to lay down in bed is something my family is beginning to deal with much better than expected. However, it has taken 48 hours for me to recover from the event. I have been sleeping off and on all day long for 2 days. I feel pain all over my body. I am not in mental anguish, but I know it is just around the corner ready to pounce on me.

The thought of having to entertain anybody (including my family) for Christmas is emotionally draining. I don't like the blatant consumerism that has become Christmas, I can't go shopping for gifts because I really don't have the energy, and I don't know how to change the expectations of my husband and children without bearing their disappointment in me for not making everything special and wonderful.

I am like a zombie, like the walking dead right now. I have no emotion, I have no energy, I have nothing to look forward to.The fallout of pushing myself gets longer and longer each year. I'm starting to feel afraid for my mental health. It truly is a difficult time for me, and I'm sure many others feel this way too.

I know there are alternatives to the traditional Christmas Eve and Day celebrations. This is the year I have to break the cycle, the expectations without disappointing everyone around me.

It's very important you have learned your limitations. Your family will be fine. Maybe it's time to start new traditions.

Thanks Tracy! Having pushed myself all my life through the limitations of my illness, giving in to these more severe symptoms has been a challenge. Even when I pace myself, ask for help, rest, etc. the fallout after the event seems to getting worse and worse each year. I have learned to keep my emotions bottled up -- kind of enjoying my family and friends from the periphery. When everyone goes home and I am left with the "clean up" and the emotional baggage of 54 years, I crash and burn. I want to break the cycle and I'm consciously working on a plan to make Christmas more spiritual and meaningful without running myself ragged. Time to start new traditions.