I got up yesterday determined to complete some chores that my husband just can't handle. I took my medicine and paced myself for a one hour outing to the stores in my neighborhood so I could complete my Christmas shopping. I was told by my attorney that I would probably be the target of surveillance by the insurance company around this time of year but at this point, who cares? I usually have a window of opportunity for an hour or two where I can function like a normal person and drive during the day. Some days I can, some days I can't. I had a list of things I had to do. Five stores all within a 3-5 miles radius. By the fourth store, I knew I had to go home because the fatigue was setting in. So, I never got to the 5th store to return some items I ordered online. I went home and was too tired to eat lunch, so I just went to sleep for an hour and a half. I got up, still wasn't hungry and poured myself a diet Coke. I thought it might jumpstart me so I could cook dinner. No go. I fell back asleep for another hour. By this time, my husband was asking what's for dinner tonight. I just looked at him and asked if we could do take out tonight.
It's raining today. I will start a big pot of meatballs and tomato sauce early this morning so I don't have to try to cook in the afternoon. I have been up for an hour now and falling asleep in between my sips of coffee. The new normal is hard to get used to. I crave some kind of creative outlet, so that's why I write. Every now and then, I get that paranoid feeling about being watched by the insurance thugs, but today I don't care whether I am approved or not. I know I can't work anymore. I have to be honest with myself. If there is one thing my father always told us children it's -- "To thine own self be true." He had such integrity, my father. We were proud of him and a little afraid of him. He was bigger than life and when he died, he went to his death like a soldier, like a believer. Fifty-two years on this earth and his impact on so many lives can never be measured. What a wonderful legacy to leave in this life.