Here I am again. I am at the crossroads looking down each direction deciding where I want to go. I’ve been down both roads before so why should there be such angst over which one to choose?
Each of these roads requires a certain mindset, a certain strength or conviction in how you perceive the world. You must believe it is the only path.
One road allows me to wallow in self-pity, circular thinking, self-hate. There is no place for me here, but my mind tells me I have to stay because I am worthless. I can’t run away or do away with myself. It would be so unfair to everyone in my life. So, I go deeper and deeper into myself finding all my faults and past mistakes so painfully unbearable I can’t function. I am the walking dead.
The other one requires that I start each day hoping for the best possible outcomes, loving myself despite my many flaws, shutting out the tape recordings that ring so true in my mind but are merely self-loathing thoughts designed to trick me into believing I am “less than…” This is when I need spiritual guidance. Meditation, prayer, sleep. You are a child of God, a child of the universe. Look to the light and don’t be afraid. You will be accepted. You have to want to live. You have to want to be here even though the world can be a frightening place. You have to respect the people in your life. You have to ask for help. You have to ask God to make you an instrument of His peace. You have to learn to love yourself again. “For it is in giving that we born to eternal life….”
