I had a terrible dream a few nights ago and the feelings of fear and sadness are very hard to shake off. My dream took me back to my childhood and the scary train rides and creepy people I’ve encountered throughout my life. It showed me the neighborhood crumbling and illegal drugs being bought and sold everywhere. I passed a vacant lot and noticed a man half-buried in the gravel and glass shards. All these shady people were mulling around doing drugs and shouting at me as I passed by. It also showed me how cruel children can be to each other. Even though I was my "young self" in the dream, my son was there. He is developmentally delayed and he was being ridiculed by some kids and this overwhelming sadness just enveloped me. I made them stop, but he knew he would always be different. It made me feel the threat of violence at every turn. I tried to put my “game face” on - my “don’t mess with me jerk” face — but it didn’t work.

I missed my stop on the city train and had to walk back to my neighborhood. The sidewalk under the elevated line was full of street peddlers. People were grabbing at me for money, threatening me with knives, pulling at me so I couldn’t escape, telling me I had to pay for things I didn’t even buy. To me, it signified that I had forgotten how to navigate the neighborhood. I was desperately trying to get home but so many streets had changed. I woke up sobbing. If you are narcoleptic, you know the feeling. If you are not, you can probably shake it off and tell yourself it was only a dream. But for me, the faces and feelings associated with the dream keep entering my mind.I have meditated, exercised, started a creative project and I keep having this kind of dream over the last few nights. Fear, sadness, confusion over people's motivations and why they are so aggressive and money-hungry. I hate feeling like this. I hate this disease.